A Moral Dilema at it’s Best

December 3, 2009 at 2:07 am · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: boys, cliche, college, college applications, fairytale, highschool, JCC, love, moral dilema, problem

Well, I sure have not been on this site in a while. But I suppose I need to vent something, or more over I need some advice on a problem I have. So I am a senior in highschool and college applications are due very very soon. Mine are still not submitted, except for one JCC. Now there are few colleges in the U.S. that have both majors I wish to persue, Nutritional and Exercise Sciences. Most of these colleges do not reside in the state I live. There are a few in my state, but for some reason they are just not appealing to me all that much I could not tell you why… but they simply arent. Now you would think the solution is easy right? Just go to a college out-of-state! Well, I can’t,  I have something that is holding me back. No, this something is not my family or the fact that I am scared to be on my own for the first time, or not knowing anyone around me, or even price (well price does matter, however, that is not what is really making me so apprehensive). You might think this sounds absolutely stupid. The most idiotic thing you have ever heard, or maybe the most cliché. Which is probably why I have failed to bring it up before this point.The reason is… Yepp it’s a boy. Now before you jump to conclusions on this matter I would like to share that I would think of myself to be a decently intelligent person in general. And I do know how to handle myself very well. But this boy, he is special. I have tried to forget about him and make decisions without him present in my mind. However, I found this to be nearly impossible. He is on my mind almost every minute of every damn day. And I will be honest I have never felt that way about someone, it is the first time Ive felt love. Right about now I bet your thinking it is her first time being in love with a boy, so she is probably just caught up in it all. I beg to differ in this case. For some reason I can’t see my life without this boy, at all. I mean it when I say I love him. I can really see having a future with him, because I believe in him and the idea that we can work out. Yet this even sounds fairytale-esque to me, but I have never felt so strongly about something in my life. But I have worked my ass off to get where I am in school, to be at the top of my class, to graduate with honors… to make something of myself and be an independent women that walks down the path not clear but the path covered in vines and bushes. I once refused to conform and to give in to what almost every other girl does in her lifetime, love. Now my problem is what do I do? Do I give up one dream for another? Do I give up all I have worked hard for, for a boy… but he’s not just any boy to me, I think he might just be the one that people spend a lifetime looking for. Where will I find my happiness, through the love of another or through the success of myself? My goals have never been so unclear, and again your advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

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